It’s a swift kick in the nuts — except when it’s a slow kick …
Poem: Pooping Bird (Or Karmic Payback for Playing Surfing Bird for Twenty Minutes on the Eat-a-Burger Jukebox)
Karmic payback for the time we played Surfing Bird on the Eat-a-Burger jukebox for twenty minutes straight.
Chart: Tolerability of Kids
A chart explaining the tolerability of children. I’ve found few exceptions to this rule.
Poem: The Second Coming
Looking for Jesus? Beware: he’s sneaky. Read on.
Poem: Fart Butler
Someday when my ship comes in, I’ll finally have all that I want.
Poem: The Radio Man
His trade is confidence and sound effects. He’s the Radio Man.
Vignette: Letters to God #12
Letter Twelve, in which I deal with my existential crises by letting God off the hook because God never asked for this.
Vignette: Letters to God #11
Letter Eleven, in which I deal with my existential crises by wondering if I’m simply talking to myself.
Vignette: Letters to God #10
Letter Ten, in which I deal with my existential crises by wondering if I’m fishing.
Vignette: Letters to God #9
Letter Nine, in which I deal with my existential crises by almost sounding grateful. Weird.
Vignette: Letters to God #8
Letter Eight, in which I deal with my existential crises by complimenting God’s plagues, pondering the effects on my lawn, and wondering if what we really cause or don’t cause.
Vignette: Letters to God #7
Letter Seven, in which I deal with my existential crises by suddenly realizing that none of my suffering matters, or, potentially more frightening, that my unrest might be the very point.
Vignette: Letters to God #6
Letter Six, in which I deal with my existential crises by starting to acknowledge that God might have bigger fish to fry.
Vignette: Letters to God #5
Letter Five, in which I deal with my existential crises by wondering if persistence is always the best course of action.
Vignette: Letters to God #4
Letter Three, in which I deal with my existential crises by contemplating how frustrating it must be to watch my life knowing all the right answers.
Vignette: Letters to God #3
Letter Three, in which I deal with my existential crises by struggling to come up with things to tell an omniscient being and question the results of a church that claims to be the one, true denomination.
Vignette: Letters to God #2
Letter Two, in which I process my existential crisis by some how getting grumpy about resurrection and renewal. When will it be my turn?!
Vignette: Letters to God #1
Letter One, in which I process my existential crisis through questioning God’s plans as revealed through country music.
Short Story: Lark
Tap. Tap. Tap. Pastor Sullivan, lost in a comfortably worn chair and a book, looked up and cast his eyes around the room, but he was otherwise perfectly still. Not even a breath. The noise had been so faint—if there had been a noise at all—it would’ve been lost if he made any sound…
Short Story: "Cow"
Marvin was a cosmopolitan bull, a bovine of refinement. Colloquially, most would call him a “cow.” He was born and raised outside of Muncie, Indiana, where his father instilled in him a farmer’s work ethic and an obligatory love for basketball…